It's been a while since I've actually sat down and spent some time in the Bible.

I know that's horrible. When I'm up at Berry I really don't go to church. It's not that I don't like church, I think church is a wonderful part of a Christian's life. I just haven't found a church in Rome that I like and that I feel like I can be part of. I don't think that going to church is something that is required of a Christian and I think that the main purpose of it is to have the fellowship and coming together of believers. I get alot of that without formal church services on campus already. I also don't want to be stuck here in Rome and being a part of a church in Rome would just help the already black-hole like gravitational pull Rome, Georgia has on people.

But on my own, I used to be a lot better, but I have been quite slack with my communal time with God. Outside of the prayer that happens a couple of times a week (when I remember) there isn't much communal time with Him and it's been good to have a change.

I'm trying quite hard now to begin to accept the Micah and Rachel situation that is happening around my appartment. There were many things I read today that were indicating of my need to forgive and treat them with brotherly love (φιλαδελφία) and such.

I really felt like I was making progress. It was difficult, however, when they were blaring music out of Micah's room and Rachel was using my bathroom for curling her hair/doing her makeup/what-have-you for me to concentrate on how to be good and accept them.

I think God has a very interesting sense of humour.

"Be yourself."

That's what they tell you.

From the time you are a little kid and put in a situation where you feel that you are being made fun of or feel "different" from others, you are told that you shouldn't worry about what others think. Just "be yourself."

I think that's absurd...well, to an extent.

Seriously, what does that mean, "be yourself?" You could take the stance of some great eighteenth century British empiricists and state that "you are only what you are perceived by others." But I feel there's something inherently wrong with that as well. If I am nothing but what people perceive me as to be, then I constantly have to be analzying and trying to understand how others perceive me to understand myself before I can even begin to improve myself.

But improving yourself, that isn't even possible if you are just "being yourself." That does not consider the numerous reactions that other people are going to have to you which are going to affect your personality and your psyche. So are we supposed to suppress those effects? But then we would be suppressing the good with the bad. We wouldn't learn reason, nor manners, nor morals, nor many other things that we sometimes take for granted in our childrearing days.

But let's leave the philosophical understanding of the effects of children to the philosophers and the psychologists. My real question relies in improvement. We always find some sort of room for improvement in ourselves. That is what makes us better, stronger, faster, smarter, and closer to our personal ideals, right? Improvement is wonderful. I used to hate when people wrote in my yearbook "Don't change!" back in elementary and middle schools. If I had never changed from the way I was back in my early schooling years....well, let's just say my life would be completely different; as would everyone else in this world who can look back on their earlier years. Change is wonderful. Change is beautiful. Even if change is sometimes scary.

If we see someone that we admire, respect, model ourselves after, or idolize...and then we change a part of ourselves because we like that part of the other person...are we "being ourselves" or are we trying to "be someone else"...and which is OK? Perhaps, there is an inbetween?

For (a not so good) example, if someone were to never brush their teeth because that's just "who they are" ...and finally, someone said "brush your teeth, it smells." Should that person brush their teeth? or should they just continue on "being themselves" because brushing their teeth isn't something that really fits with their personality. Should they change because of cultural reasons? Because they actually prefer the new thing (and do they really prefer it or are they convincing themselves they do)? To apease other people? How come? Are any of those reasons just?

Another thing to consider, for those of you who are religious--many religions (particularly the Abrahamic religions like Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) are told to model their lives after God and to constantly seek the will of God. So in seeking the will of God for ourselves for refining and self-improvement, would we not look to other believers in the Torah/Bible/Qur'an or to God, himself, to find these methods of improvement? So if we see someone acting a certain way and we think of ourselves as being both of the same religious beliefs, should we ask ourselves if we should be doing the same thing? Is it relative and something that is good for someone else is not necessarily the best for me? Is it perhaps not the way to act because they are not doing the correct thing?

This could apply to numerous beliefs: religious, political, social, etc. How many of us have found ourselves with a good group of friends with whom we hold relatively similar beliefs across numerous aspects of life and we see something that we think maybe we should also be doing or believing? Should we change our actions or beliefs? Should we question theirs? Should we stay firm in our current actions or beliefs and never change them?

I dunno, just musings I'm having at the moment that are rather difficult to put into words. I guess it kinda goes back to the general philosophical debate that's been going on for ages about whether there is some sort of relativism in the world where "what's good for you may be bad for me" or whether we are all bound to the same things and there are definite rights and wrongs and no grey areas at all.

So now that I have made all of you fall asleep with these late night musings. I'm going to bed.